Hectic times in Ha Long

Sitting on the steps of the Hanoi opera house, Mollie and I were waiting for the bus to Halong. We signed up for a semi-luxurious cruise as we thought it would be a nice relaxing break for us. 

While we were waiting, the cutest little Vietnamese man came over to us and introduced himself. He was going to be our guide for the trip, as well as the translator since this wasn't really a tourist cruise. 

We were on the bus starting the two hour journey to HaLong and this guy spoke the WHOLE time. We could pick up a few words here and there, he said hello, a welcome, and gave us a run down of the game plan, which he then translated, while the whole bus glared at us. We obviously stuck out.

He then launched into what we can only assume was a game of some sort, like a word association or a say what you see kind of deal. As all we saw was him holding up the most random pictures, someone yelling something and then everyone erupting in fits of laughter. Mollie and I just looked at each other then turned around and tried to get a little bit of sleep.

Arriving in Cat Ba, we had to take a smaller boat out to our large boat. The scenes were absolutely amazing. I've obviously seen pictures before, as most people have, but seeing it in person was surreal. It's one of those places you need to see before you die, 100%. 

Pulling up to our boat we were greeted by every single staff member standing on the deck waving like lunatics, which was a little uncomfortable if I'm honest. We were ushered straight into the dining room which was unbelievably fancy.

We were excited! The dining room was honestly like if you scaled down the titanic, made it a little less socioeconomically divided and chucked on some vietnamese hymns in the background. 

The Captain of the boat came out and began his speech. He talked for around 5 minutes straight and had everyone's undivided attention, except of course Mollies and Mine as we had no clue what was going on, and to be honest we were too busy taking pictures, we were never going to be this fancy again. While the Captain was speaking we did manage to hear one word that we knew all too well 

Happy hour

Well did we perk up. 

The Captain rambled for another 2 minutes and then everyone clapped. Jackie (our guide) came over to tell us what he had just said, but all we cared about was happy hour. We needed to know the deal and when it was going down. He informed us that we were having lunch, then going swimming/kayaking and then happy hour, but that's all he really translated. No emergency procedures or anything, but hey we were going to get cheap drinks soon so it didnt really matter. 

Lunch was served and it was dramatic, literally 10 courses. Fish, squid, oysters, prawns, rice, pork, chicken and soup. It was incredible!

We were then shown to our room and it was beautiful. We had a private balcony, and ensuite and a bathtub! (Which more than a few selfies were taken in) the best part was somehow every view managed to face the water! Even the toilet! Now a poo with a view Is something I recommend to everyone! 

After relaxing for around and hour in our room there was a message that was played over the intercom, which we only assumed could be the call for kayaking. 

We headed out to the front of the boat where we all got ferried to a smaller island that we could use as our base for kayaking and swimming. It has been so long since I swam in the sea, since I was in Maylasia (which was in January) and it is delightful. 

We paddle around for a bit and then before we know it we are back on the boat and in our rooms getting ready for happy hour.

At 5:29PM we head up to the deck, happy hour starts at 5:30PM and we dont want to miss a minute if it. 

The deal is buy two get one free. So of course we order three each right off the bat. I wanna point out that at this stage the staff are jumping over themselves to serve us. If we happen to just glance in their direction they sprint, and I mean sprint, over to us. 

After our first three each we decided it would be rude not to have another three. We were six cocktails down and starving. Before we knew it, it was time for dinner.

In all honesty we were blind. So we thought, What would go with this beautiful 10 course dinner?

A bottle of wine obviously. 

And now, we were too drunk to eat.

This day just so happened to be Vietnams Womans day. Which is a holiday that they take very serious here, which is obviously amazing for me. So they had arranged games for the women to play to entertain the guests. It was a little hard for Mollie and I to be included so they gave us our flowers and our presents and we were allowed to sit back down. While the games were happening we drunk more and more, I mean what else were going to do? Have a early night? Unlikely.

After dinner the other guests left and the staff were packing up around us. 

Perfect time to order another bottle.

This is where things get a little messy. They are playing some music over the speakers so we ask if we can request a song or two. Once again the staff are more than happy to oblige. One guy even gives us his phone so we dont have to keep bothering him. Big mistake. 

We take a few pictures of ourselves as "a wee treat" for him, or so we think. Now if I know anything it is, deny deny deny, but there may or may not be a few X-rated pictures on that poor boys phone that could be used against me in a court of law.

After making complete tits out of ourselves (pun intended) we headed up to the deck where we could get some fresh air. Of course with another bottle of wine in hand.

Up on the deck the staff come and tell us we are being too loud and disturbing the other guests.

Not really surprising.

But they tell us they have somewhere we can go.

The next we know we are being ushered into the Captains room. All the staff are here. And us. Brilliant. We dont really know what is going on, except the Captian keeps giving us drinks and saying "100%" which in Vietnam, means finish your drink. Next thing I know I'm spilling wine all through the Captains bed and singing some westlife.

The night blurrs from there and before we know it, we are stumbling back to our rooms and passing out on the beds. 

Being awoken at 7AM with the Titanic theme song, Rocking a code red hangover is something that I do not want for my worst enemy. I wobble to the dining room so I can get some juice and some water and I cannot make eye contact with anyone. We have enough time for a 10 minute power nap before we head off on another mini cruise around the bay. 

Getting back to the boat we have to check out of our rooms and have lunch before we leave the boat for good. Everyone is looking at us and laughing, we look rough. The only person that looks worse than us is our poor guide Jackie who has just been brought the biggest glass of red wine imaginable. This is when he comes over to us.

"How are you?" - he asks 

"About the same as you"- we reply 

"Do you remember what you did last night" he says.

The words that everyone wants to hear. 

I honestly wonder what it is like to have or two drinks and not take it too far. That must be really nice. We watch poor Jackie struggle to chug down his wine all while forcing a smile.

We pick at food, unfortunately not really eating any of it. All while being bothered by the most annoying child on the planet. It was like our own personal hell.

It is finally time to get off the boat and at this point I couldnt be happier. I never want to see any of these people again and I am thoroughly embarrassed.

The whole bus ride back to Hanoi, Mollie and I slept our sins away. Being dropped back off at the Opera house, we go our separate ways to our hotels with plans of meeting for dinner later with Angus. 

Of course there was one more spanner in the works for me. 

I head to my hotel, and to my surprise it's open. Good start. 

I head inside and give them my name.The receptionist confirms my booking. I had booked from Wednesday night to Friday morning. 

"Ok, when would you like to use your three hours mam?" She asked me.

"What??? What does that even mean?"

"Well you booked a three hour hotel room, so when would you like your three hours?" She said ever so casually.

"What are you on about? I booked from Wednesday night to Friday morning check out, that's two days, not three hours???" I said back.

"Yes, you have, but it's a three hour room, so you cant use it the whole time" she replied. 

To this day I still dont understand this concept. So I left, booked another place and that went realtitivly smoothly. Thankfully! 

The next morning I was heading to Ninh Binh for another tour at the buttcrack of dawn. Sucker for punishment huh.