Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong..

Well first things first to give a little context to this story…

Coming to an managed isolation facility near you soon! 

That’s right, the time has come for me to return to the homeland and integrate back into New Zealand society. I am leaving Vietnam at the end of November meaning I will serve my time and be released in time for Christmas with the family! (and of course New Years with the gals).

So with that in mind I planned a wee trip up to the north of Vietnam as there were a few places I haven’t seen yet, and I couldn't leave without seeing. 

I needed to go to Sapa, Halong Bay and Ninh Binh. 

I got to planning and before I knew it, I was off. I took Tuesday/Thursday off work so I could be gone for 5 days, which meant I was on a real time crunch but I thought I could do it. 

I finished work at 8.30pm on the Sunday and then my flight to Hanoi was at 10pm. The first destination was Sapa. 

Sapa is located in the very north of Vietnam (close to the Chinese boarder). Its known for its beautiful mountains, terraced rice fields and absolutely stunning scenery. Even though it is touristy it manages to keep a local charm as the tours are operated by the ethnic minorities that still live in the little villages throughout Sapa. 

My flight was due to land in Hanoi just after midnight and then I had a 4am bus booked to Sapa, arriving around 9.30am that monday morning. I had a tour planned until 4pm and then I had booked the 5pm bus back to Hanoi the same day. It was a tight timeframe but I had a tour of Halong bay booked for 8am Tuesday morning that I couldn’t miss. 

But lets look at this one step at a time.

I was in my last class for the weekend. My Seniors, that for the record are smarter than me and they know it.

 As they were doing their project work I was just triple checking a few details, making sure I had all the right addresses to make this as seamless as possible. I am checking my bus ticket so I can inform my tour of my pick up address in Sapa. 

First problem. 

Upon checking my ticket I find out that I’m not to actually going to Sapa, I’m going to Lao Cai.

 Now Lao Cai is about and hour and 10 minutes away from Sapa. Which on paper doesn’t sound like the worst thing, but when you take into consideration  that I have no way to travel  that last hour- I start to panic a little. 

I ring my friends and they help bring me down, telling me there are busses that go from Lao Cai to Sapa but as its too close to the time I can’t book anything I just have to kind of rock up and see what happens. 

This  means I wont be able to make my tour as my arrival time in Sapa is now 10.30 not 9.30 (they had originally delayed the tour by 30minutes for me anyway). 

I left class that night and zoomed straight to the airport. The flight was fine and I got to hanoi in one piece. Angus had just moved to Hanoi so I had a place to go to and wait the three hours until by bus left. 

Now one of the big beefs I have with Hanoi is the airport is SO far from the city. So I was looking at a 45 minute grab bike to his house. So I start the trek out of the airport to the bike pick up area and begin the tedious task of booking a bike.

 Now let me set the scene, the weather is a cool 20 degrees (which is cold for me as I’m used to hot as balls saigon) and it is spitting (honestly not even spitting its nothing, it is barely wetting the ground!). I finally get a bike after 20 minutes and he calls saying,

 “oh no no no, its raining, please cancel” 

CANCEL?

RAINING?

mate, I’ve had grab drivers collect me in the middle of a monsoon and you are saying no? 

what are you a gremlin? 

Honestly life stops in Hanoi when its slightly damp. I couldn’t believe it. 

Ended up having to get a car and make the journey into the city. Poor Angus having to wait up for me when he had a lecture the next morning at 8am, honestly mate, you’re the MVP.

After having a shower and a chat it was 3am and time for me to get another grab to the bus station for my 4am departure. While I’m on the back of second mans bike it starts to spit again. He stops instantly and pulls over and jumps off his bike with his poncho in hand. He holds out his other hand so he can feel the rain (or lack of it to be honest). He looks at me, looks at his poncho, looks at the sky. Then back to his poncho, back to the sky. Honestly this goes on for far too long before he decides that its actually okay and gets back on his bike, yet he thinks the safest thing to do is drive like an absolute maniac in order to get there faster I guess?

Arriving at the bus station alive (insane i know) I get off and park up outside. its 3.30am, thirty minutes before departure, and I was the only person there. I was a little confused but then again I’ve been in this country long enough to know that times are merely a suggestion here and not set in stone. 

As I’m sitting outside two of the drunkest men stumble up the road and to the door of the obviously closed bus station reception. My first thought was the lads from Lao Cai had just come on a booze trip to Hanoi and are heading home to go back to work. Fair crack.

They fiddle around with the door then the darkness of the lobby swallows them as I hear the door open. Not my business, I thought as i continue sitting outside. Next minute the drunk-er of the two appear outside wearing the bus company shirt. Shit, I think this guy is the driver. 

He motions for me to come over and join him in the dark lobby. I weigh up my options. Continue sitting in the street, in the cold, by myself OR enter a dark room with a drunk stranger. He can barely stand and is about half the size of me, so I figure I could take him in a fight and decide to go in. 

He offers me a seat, while still swaying and tries to communicate with me, but he can hardly speak Vietnamese at this point there is no way he’s understanding any of my English. He monitions for me to sleep but as it is 3.50am and the bus should be leaving in 10 minutes, I decline. 

Showing him my ticket I tell him I’m leaving at 4. 

When he says the one english word he knows, “No”. 

and then shows me 5 of his fingers. 

Now its my turn, “No”. “Four.” 

He is adamant, no bus at 4, only 5. 

Of course. Never mind my official ticket, drunk dave says 5:00am, So the bus leaves at 5:00am. 

I give him my phone with the wifi up hoping he can give me the password. He takes my phone and attempts to enter the password. 

First time- no good. he looks perplexed. 

Second time- No result. Once again, confusion sweeps his face. 

I try to take my phone back, telling him its fine but he insists.

Third time- he closes one eye. The Ol’ one eye squint when you are too drunk, something my mates know all too well (here’s to you Atalina) and still nothing, so he gives me my phone and retires to the couch.

An hour passed and the I heard the bus pull up outside. Now it was a 5 1/2 hour drive to Lao Cai so I had booked  sleeper bus so I could get some shut eye.

 I look outside to see a glorified minivan. 

Once again.. Of course. 

Nothing I can do about it now, so I pop a Valium so I can get some sleep, sit down and close my eyes, looking forward to waking up in Lao Cai….

But that would be too easy wouldn’t it…

Part two coming soon