The TRUE spiral

Now this is the true story.

Before the bars closed again myself and my most irresponsible friend, Emily Smith, decided we deserved a night out. After all, Tuesdays are for the girls and our local, Lush bar, runs a ladies night that normally would be free drinks till midnight. However this one night the promotion had been extended to free drinks all night. Normal people would take this as a great opportunity to enjoy the night without the time crunch. Normal people, however we are not this. We still viewed it as a sprint and not a marathon.

This takes us till 2am, with our (uncountable) drink for the night we were deciding what we should do next. The love for each other is high and we decided that the only way to seal this love was with a matching tattoo.

Of course the only logical thing to get was a tornado (or a spiral if you would). As when you are in the eye of the storm, everything is okay, it's just the damage afterwards that is chaotic. Poetic right?

In the grab on the way to the studio Emily suggested that we draw each others tattoo, which I thought was amazing, it would be a sweet gesture and an amazing piece of art to wear for our lives.

When we arrived and the last few drinks had been absorbed I suggested that we tattooed each other. Which was meet with no contest, see what I mean when I say most irresponsible friend??

We wobbled into the studio where the tattoo artist already had a client on his table, in the middle of a HUGE back piece. This was going to be the hard part. Convincing a professional that he should let two drunk white girls off the street use his equipment to permanently scar their bodies. Easy right?

I walking in with all the liquid confidence in Saigon I get the mans attention

"An oi"

He stops and looks at me swaying.

"Ahh I tattoo she, she tattoo me?" - this was the best I could muster.

His eyes get wide, she grins like a Cheshire cat and without missing a beat, he let's out a huge

"YES".

At this point I would like to specify that Emily and I are the victims here. This is not our fault. We should have been told multiple times no.

At the bar when we went up for the 10th time.

The grab driver taking us to a tattoo studio drunk.

Most importantly the professional should have all said no.

If it was America, we could have sued! (But also if it was we would probably have Corona, so scratch that)

By this stage it was too late. The man on the table had to wait and our man was setting up the new needles and ink for us to make our mistake.

Emily wanted to be tattooed first so she took her assigned seat on the bed and I strolled over to the tattoo stool, Slapped on some black gloves, put some vaseline on her finger, grabbed the gun and then looked to the man for assistance.

"Just press (the foot pedal) and go" was his only advice.

Yeah cheers for that mate, I thought I was meant to grab a knife and start carving.

Before we start he asks if he can video.

Sure, why not we thought, it is kind of funny. Then three more Vietnamese men appear out of what I thought was a bathroom, phones in hand, ready to record this train wreck from all angles.

Well no time like the present I thought as I connected Ems skin to the needle and did my best attempt at a spiral.

After a total of 1.5 seconds I scoot back to admire my work. Not bad I thought! I honestly thought it would be awful, but through beer googles I was impressed.

Time for the switch-a-roo. Em gets in the seat and shes away. Before the low hum of the gun has even stopped she looks at me and says

"Oops, I did a thing"

Which is not a sentence you want to hear. I was afraid to look down.

However I bit the bullet and had a glance at my new permanent addition... welp, Emily definitely did do a thing.

We have a look at our new tattoo's and cannot control our laughter. (I know what you are thinking, dont worry, there are pictures)

We need another beer ASAP, so we stand up and ask the man how much we owe him. He looks us dead in the eyes and just waves. Even he knows he cannot charge us for this act of self-mutilation.

We collect our things and stumble out onto the now empty Bui Vien in search of cold one.

As the rest of the night goes on we ask everyone and anyone who will give us the time of day what they thought and the responses were less than satisfactory.

One of our good pals even said, and I quote

"I dont live here and I'm going to bounce soon so I can tell you the truth. They are shit. They have character but that's all they have" - Lance 2020

We know they arent great, but on the plus side because they were done so terribly they are fading quickly and eventually will disappear due to their placement!

And you know what, it's a memory and it was a good laugh! But next time, we are for sure staying away from anyone who will trust us with a machine while intoxicated!

Remember, we do these things so you dont have to!

Till next time!

Mine is on the left, Emily's is the right.